


Becoming You

by IceyGemini



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Corruption, Dark Magic, Dreams and Nightmares, Helga Hufflepuff's Cup, Horcruxes, M/M, Marvolo Gaunt's Ring, Minor Character Death, Murder, Nagini - Freeform, Other, POV First Person, Rituals, Rowena Ravenclaw's Diadem, Slytherin's Locket, Soul Bond, Tom Riddle's Diary, Under the Influence of Horcruxes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2020-03-20 06:56:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18987553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceyGemini/pseuds/IceyGemini
Summary: Every time when the horcrux is destroyed, it merges with Harry....Every step towards the victory becomes step towards the downfall....





	1. The diary

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Emriel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emriel/gifts).



> This is my my try to answer to one of Emriel's prompts which I saw on the blog. When I saw This prompt, I was so tempted to try to write something about it that I tried to write it and hope you will like it at least a little bit:)
> 
> As english is not my native language and I was writing and posting the text from my cell phone where I am still struggling with it's autocorrections, I apologize for all gramatical and spelling errors here. .

In the moments, after the diary was stabbed, lying here with the large hole of void cracking it's perfect surface, dying and and bleeding the blood of black while the glowing, haunting and so handsome face of his is twisted by the pain and hot, white rage, I felt it for the first time. That indescribable feeling as something lost a many years ago was returned to me. Something so foreign and yet so familiar. Something which was never meant to be with me again. I think it has to be the life of the little red haired girl as she is returning back from the dark, deep abyss of death and back into the world of living. I just saved her after all and she is sibling of my friend ...

The horrifying ancient creature is lying nearby, watching us with it's bleeding, missing eyes. I am growing weaker and weaker as the burning poison is spreading through my veins , consumming my small, fraigle body and taking my life away from me. I am afraid. I am so afraid. I hear weak echoes of the hissing voice in my head . I think it's His voice, so cold and so alluring, whispering that soon I will join him for the rest of eternity.

And then,  it's all gone as the loud, desperate cry echoes through the chamber and warm presence appears next to me. It's hot tears of life save me. And as I am dragged up and up by the beautiful creature of fire,  I feel free and alive and I forget all of that ...

 

_That night, I am dreaming. It's so strange and vivid, more like a memory of ancient times, burried deep, deep inside my mind. Was it always there?_

_I am here again, standing in that hidden, dreadful place of shaddows. Exitement and pride is consumming my rapidly beating heart. I am admiring the cold statues of serpents surrounding me,  gazing at me intently with the unliving eyes of stone. Finally. After years of searching, at last, I found my way here. To the secret place which belongs to me rightfully. I am staring at the monumental, noble statue of my great ascentor. Watching his beautilul, majestic creature emerge itself from the statue's great mouth. Answering my call._ _How magnificent. How gorgeous. How hauntingly beautilul. Sleeping for so long . Too long . Eager to satisfy it's hunger. Eager for me to release it from it's home and prison. Eager to let it out ..._

_The wailing of an unexpected visitor. Pathethic whimpering and screams of that annoying girl sobbing in the abandoned bathroom above. Her surprise at my presence. Her face full of disgusting tears for whatever reason made her hide herself  here and cry herself out. An opportunity. The perfect chance. She opens the door . I smile charmingly. She freezes in the mid of the motion. She does not get the chance to fear. To scream. To cry and run away. To escape. My smile turn into the smirk of victory._

_Look into my eyes ..._

_The great shadow emerges behind me. Beautiful and deadly. Ready to listen my every command. Ready to grant my every wish. Ready to strike in the split of second._

_Look into these eyes_

_Her limp body falls to the cold floor. Lying here like the broken doll. I watch her surprised face and know that there is no turning back. I don't feel the hate or rage for her. I don't really know what I am feeling now. I watch as the last single tear of hers drops to the stones underneath her lifeless form and merges with the small puddle of water. There is no blood. There is no wound. Just one single gaze which ripped her life of her at my command. Her existence ends here while my own path to immortality just begins. This was the first step necessary. Now I have to act quickly. I dissappear in the darkness, leaving her now useless remains behind._

_Watched by the unliving eyes of stony snakes, I am kneeling in the middle of the chamber. The black diary lies opened in front of me. So ordinary and yet soon to be so special. My lips are whispering and hissing the words long forgotten and forbidden. Words, stabbing me like sharp knives. I felt nothing back before, when my will was taking the life away from another. But now my whole being screams silently and soundlessly in the searing agony, asi it's cut in half inside by the poisonous blade. I have to endure it._

_I watch my pale trembling reflection on the wet, slippery stones like in some dark , twisted mirror. I feel something wet and sticky on my face. It's pouring from my eyes and mouth as I am still chanting and my body basks in searing pain. My reflection shows no change. But I see and feel the crimson,  bloody liquid pouring from my eyes and mouth, dropping on the ground as the splash after splash rings in my ears together with my chanting, and surrounding the diary in the pool of crimson. Leaving hollow emptiness in me, much like when the large blade is ripped off the deep bleeding wound. Turning itself black. Soaking into the blank pages and dissappearing inside._

_My senses are overhelmed but my reflection still shows nothing. Only my kneeling body shaking from the pain and something else. The pain slowly going away too, leaving only void and numbness behind. My vision blurs from exhaustion as I my eyes are fixed on the diary, in front of me, clean and innocent outside but tainted and alive inside, and I know I did it ...It ... worked  ... This is it  ... The moment I craved for ... The first and hardest step ... to eternity  ..._

 

I wake up trembling and sweating and dissoriented. My mouth are wide open like I was screaming my lungs out only a moment before, but there is only silence welcomming me. I am panting heavily. What  ... happened? I had a dream. I can't remember the details. I can remember the face. The wailing ghostly girl from the bathroom. Was she ghostly at all? The Chamber ... I was there again. Probably reliving the painful events from the previous day in the nightmare. No  ... that was not it. I was kneeling alone in the dark. I can almost hear the haunting echoes of the chanting. Something happened there. Something great and terrible  ...

I am trying to remember, but my head starts hurt so badly. I am shaking again. I press my trembling hands to my forhead and trying to calm myself. Imagining the comforting voice whispering me soothing words and repeating them again and again.

Whatever happened in there, it's already gone. Everything is alright. Your friends are safe and alive. You are safe. It's gone.

And with that soothing words, little by little, the calm voice in my head changes into familiar cold and alluring without me even notice. It still whispers to me.

It's alright. It's over now. Don't think about it. Don't try to remember. 

I curl into the warm sheets, trying to sleep again. When the morning comes, I forget the strange dream completly. Only that lingering feeling is still here. Like something missing was returned to me ...

 


	2. The ring

It took years until I felt it again ...

I am sitting in my small room and thinking about all what happened before. About all I heard. About what is expected of me. About all I gained only to be taken away from me. I often thought that I can't bear it any more, yet life always proved me wrong. My loved ones who keep dying like I was somehow cursed. My life which I am forced to fight for again and again. My destiny which leads me to the darkest place of choice which I don't want to make. To die or survive. To kill or be killed. To offer my own life or watch how another is taken away from me. And I still keep losing everything and everyone. It's unfair. It's too much.

And then, I feel it. Something warm and chilling at the same time, something foreign and yet familiar. Something else,  something that I missed dearly but did not even realize it until it returned to me just now. 

But what could it be? I can't tell. But I can sense it inside me. And for this mysterious reason, I now feel more stable. More ... whole. Isn't it weird? Nothing changed in this small and unwelcomming room, nothing changed in my life and yet, I feel different now. I just can't to describe it. And I don't know why. Maybe I should not dwell on it so much. Maybe I should just sleep. Sleep and forget everything, enjoy that small moment of peace after the endless days of visions and nightmares. Who knows how long it last  ...

 

_My dream today is different from all other nightmares which were haunting me for the few months. And at the same time, also from any other ordinary dreams of fraigle,  vulnerable sleepers. It feels so familiar. Like something I already experienced in both my life and mind. Like distant memory from another life._

_I am standing on the top of the hill, watching the manor of that family with the burning poison and disgust hidden deep in my dark eyes. I came here under the cover of the night for the surprising visit. For family reunion. Who would not want to meet their long lost son, especially the one so exceptional? Well, definitely them, I briefly think for myself as I enter through the large front door and see the expressions on their faces. Their eyes are on me and they look like they saw the ghost. I can't blame them. Who would thought that the last wish of my poor and foolish mother would be granted so perfectly? Was it this appearence of his what bewitched her so much? Well, people around me always considered me beautiful and charming after all. But, I am so much different that this hypocrite piece of trash and his pathethic parents as well._

_They are shouting insults at me and the older man even tries to run into me and push me away through the still oopened door. Their foolish atempts are useless, because, unlike them, I am special . It was proved more then once. I briefly remember the little sobbing girl in the bathroom, frozen in my presence. They are just like her now. Completly at my will and my mercy. Unable to move a finger, their mouths incapable of saying a single word. Forced to stay still while I am prepairing myself for what is about to come. They should feel honored to be the witnesses and sacrifices o this, but of course they can't understand. They never will. I can see it inside their week minds. They would like to pretend that I never exist. Well, that does not going to happen._

_I am ready now. It's going to happen again. I am just about to take that first step which cuts through my very soul painlessly, just like the first time. But this is much different . Back then, I didn't feel anything more that the slight annoyance for that wailing girl. Now, I can feel the burning rage and sickening disgust growing more and more in me, filling that black void inside and consumming me like a hungry beast as I'm watching intently the man who gave me his face and his damned name. I want him to taste it too. I want him to feel the fear and utter desperation. He deserves it. That's why I let him frozen and unmoving, but alive, forced to watching as the beautiful and haunting green light is mercilessly stealing away the lives of two people who gave him his own a long years ago. My will and power moves them. Now all three of them are sitting silently on the large couch, the son between his parents, like any ordinary family. Their wide opened eyes are gazing at me. Two pairs of these eyes cloudy, blind and unliving, much like the stony serpents down inside the hidden chamber so so far away. I feel my rage lessen, slowly calmed down by the beautiful deadly green.  Now I have to focus again. I can feel the cool sharp hardness of the ring inside my palm. The precious family heirloom. Taken away from the filthy hands of unworthy._

_So precious. So special. So mine. So  ... empty ... not for long ..._

_The slight glimpse of hesitation. Remembering the agony from before. Will it even increase? It does not matter anymore. I did it once. I can do it again._

_The three pairs of eyes are on me, three silent witnesses are watching me as I am going to take the next step on my path to immortality. Using these gifts they gave to me unwillingly. Kneeling in the middle of this fancy room. Chanting these forbidden ancient words. Enduring the incomming pain without the single sound of weakness. It's not even that hard this time. For some reason,  while stil present and stil very overhelming, this time, the searing, agonizing pain does not reach the helish levels it had back then, now it more resembles the repeated stab and cutting into the large, deep opened wound which started already numb. But I can still feel that unpleasant wet and sticky feeling on my face and in my mouth and I am chocking slightly. Despite that I still keep chanting. I know what that means. This time, I don't need any kind of mirror to see my reflection. I would not see anything. I can only wait until it's over. It is even easier to recover this time. I briefly wonder why. But nobody knows that, because nobody went through this more than once. Nobody except me. Triumphant joy spreads through my exhausted and numb body like the warm wave of delicious pleasure. Another step taken. Another step to greatness  ..._

_Three silent figures are still watching. The eyes of the youngest witness are wide open and his face is filled with horror and disgust, just as it should be. I move towards him. He already saw too much. Time for him to follow the rest of that family of his. Time for me to break that shackles of my past. I smile as the haunting, striking bright and so vibrant green light surrounds him._

_Goodbye ... father  ..._

 

I wake up into the utter shock and panic. I press my both hands hardly to my mouth in atempt to supress the scream.

Thatcan't be! That can't be! I would never  ...! I would ... never did ...! But  ... That memory ... So strong  ... So vivid  ... I  ... I killed them ... Killed them all! Hell, I even enjoyed it! Every bloody moment! I ...

And then,  it all starts fading away as the reality slowly reach me and I can thinking more clearly again. As If the soothing, alluring voice inside of my mind was guiding me.

Calm down ... Calm down ... Think  ... It was not you  ... It was not you  ... Remember  ... Think  ... 

And then I slowly realize that it was not possible for it to be my memory ... It couldn't be my grandparents. I didn't even get  the chance to know them. It could not be my father. I was just a baby.  It couldn't be real.  It was a dream.  Just a dream  ... maybe a vision from Him ... No  ... not a vision  ... I know that  ... Feels different  ... Just a nightmare  ... No, not that  ... Too real  ... Too familiar  ... 

I am trying to focus. My thoughts are so confused. I am pretty sure that it was not me or my family, but  ... something about it is so dangerously familiar ... I am trying to remember what exactly happened in the dream but I find that I can't. Did I really kill? I am not sure now.  I can't even remember their faces. Only the mixed and confusing feelings and words. 

Disgust  ...

Fear  ...

Joy  ...

Pain  ...

Delight ...

Eternity  ...

I blink the few times, trying to calm my racing heart. I can almost hear the calming, soothing voice in my mind and I can't help myself but feel like I already heard it before. But I can't remember when. It has to be my own inner voice, trying to calm me down after horrifying nightmare which I cannot recall. Maybe I should not even try. 

Yes ... No reason to dwell on strange nightmares. No reason to think about them. No reason to trying remember them yet. Calm down ... Do not dwell on dreams ... Forget ...

And suddenly, I don't know why I was even panicking so much over an ordinary dream I can't even recall. I have had enough visions and nightmares in my life.  And probably will get more of them.  No need to adding others. I should just sleep again. I wake up later then usual this morning,  completly calm as the last traces of my previous panic atack for an uknown reasons are gone.

Much later,  when I see the massive golden ring wrapped around the whittered black finger of the equally whittered and dying hand, I stare at it intently. There is something very very familiar about it but as I'm watching it, I can't help but think that something is off . Something is missing. It was meant to be more  ... alive ... It was meant to be hidden  ... Why I am thinking like this? I have never seen this ring before. Maybe I did ... maybe in my dreams  ... 

My inner thoughts are interrupted as I am  asked to catch that hand so we can get away. Unintentionally,  the tips of my fingers reach for the ring. Subtly touch the cold metal. Caressing it lovingly. Now, in that brief moment when I am so close to the jewell, I can definitely tell that something is missing here. But for some uknown reason, I am not worried. Something deep deep inside me tells me that whatever was taken, it's now safe with me. When I put my hand away, the feeling is gone and I stop thinking about it for now.

 


	3. The locket

When the elegant golden locket is just about to be destroyed utterly and completly, beyond any repair, cut in half by the blade of the mighty noble sword in the hands of my best friend, I suddenly feel an intense, impossible and completly illogical urge to stop it. We spent so much time in effort to find it, to break it and crack forever. Because it's the only way to win and save us all. Or so I was told. The only way for me. That's why I threw myself into the freezing embrace of the cold, black water, that's why I was nearly strangled to death by the thin golden chain while reaching for the rubies adorned sword which would be the bane of it's existence. That's why my best friend is now bravely struggling with the mockery of the cursed soul inside, as the cold, alluring voice whispers taunting and acidic words which can bring the desperation into the soul, pierce the heart and break even the strongest mind.

Shivers go down through my spine as I am watching two shadowy figures, two twisted reflections, emerging from the pitch-black mist and whispering words of poison … and sedduction. Circling around us and then around each other. And for an one single moment, the other figure next to my own reflection begins to twist and change and I have to swallow hard and blink again and again and then just staring frozen at the most surreal sight of the tall, familiar form I never thought to see so close, let alone like this. I watch us.. no, them ... that … with the odd mix of dread and fascination and my heart beats stronger than I thought is possible.

Why …? How ...? It's so so utterly off. And then I hear new whispers and I cant't help but think that they are meant for me only, because that voice is so soothing and familiar. The voice from my long forgotten dreams. My inner voice. Why am I hearing it right now while staring into abyss? I don't get a chance to think about it more because the deadly silver blade is so close to the pulsing locket and something inside of me whimpers. I almost throw myself in front of the piece of jewell in the desperate atempt to prevent the blade from hitting it's target. I don't do it in the end. One swift slash and it's over …

Later that night, I am lyig alone inside the tent while the two friends of mine are outside on the watch together, talking and bickering and enjoying the reunion in their own way. My fingers are clutching the golden locket, destroyed and dead. I have no clue what strange impulse made me to keep it or why I now put it on my neck. Maybe I was just so used to its close presence, I guarded it so so often in previous weeks after all. It was my responsibility.

Of course it was, you did so well to keep it safe before. I hear my inner voice. My mind wonders about the previous events. I wanted to keep it with me so often, more then I should. Why I was like this? Why I was even thinking about ruining all our effort by saving this tainted soul? What s wrong with me?

Nothing… Nothing is wong with you … You just wanted to save … To protect … That's so completly like you … Protect what is yours …

Mine? Why I am even thinking about the locket as mine? Since when? My memories from this day are now so foggy. What exactly happened there? And as I am still trying to figure out my confusing thoughts, exhaustion finally takes over and I close my eyes.

 

 

_The cold and darkness surround me as I am silently floating above the still surface of the large black lake. Behind me, the deadly calm is disturbed by many pale, slick and rotten hands reaching out of the wet abyss of their watery grave. The struggling victims of my rage. The mutilated creations of my curious experimenting. The obedient slaves of my will. And soon, also the merciless and deadly protectors of the part of my greatest secret. How ironic, to shield myself by the one thing that makes my insides tremble. The dead tell no tales. The dead feel no pain. The dead do not betray you. The perfect guards._

_As I reach the small island in the middle of the lake, I spare the one single glare to the trembling figure of the unknown man, floating silently and unwillingly by the sheer force of my will and power the few steps behind me. I don't know his name and it does not even matter to me. After he will play his role of the inevitable sacrifice, he will join the crowds of these deadly dolls raising from the lake and watching him with the imitation of curiousity and the hint of interest reflecting in the empty or half filled hollows which were their eyes. Their hands welcoming him and reaching out,eager to grab him and pull underwater. I move my guest closer to me and out of their reach. He is not theirs. Not yet._

_It's so long since I've had the living visitor here. So much changed since times I was just an extraordinary child left in the helish place full of foolish and pathethic people who would never understand. Like that boy and girl who dared to mock me and doubt my special powers. So I showed them and thought them. I invited them here to visit. I showed them my power. I thought them their lesson. But unlike the two foolish children from my past, this one will never return back. The path to eternity always requires sacrifice and that's exactly what he is. My another step to greatness._

_Performing the required ritual is easier then before. There is even less pain. More numb void. I briefly wonder how much of me will left inside my constantly and gradualy changing body when I will be done completly. But it's worth it anyway. It's the sign of my triumphs and success, the sign what I've reached. That I will never be forgotten. That there are no limits I cannot surpass. Caressing the precious golden locket gently, I settle the black growing void in my invisible open wound as the pairs of pale decaying hands come closer and embrace their new companion. Taking him home._

 

When I open my eyes again, my fingers are caressing the remains of the locket by the very same way like they did in that haunting dream of mine. Full of darkness, cold and the corpses. It's weird and strange but I am much more calmer, or maybe just apathethic, then I should be. I want to wonder why, but something tells me that it's normal to dream about that place … after all that happened. It's normal to reliving thad dreadful memory. Except … it was not my memory, I think … it was not about stealing … it was about creation …

What was that then? Was I accidentally in his mind again? No, I was not. I would know … But then, why this dream feel more like memory than any visions he sent to me before … Why it feels so mine and yet definitely not mine …? The grip around the locket thighens at the memory of dead rotting hands, but I can't remember the fire which saved me when I faced them. I remember how I was almost drowned by them. I am trying to catching my breath. My own memories of that dark place are mixing with that from the dream, I can almost feel the cold water swallowing me and the smell of death surround me and I can't breath…

I am trying to calm down, desperately trying to hear that soothing inner voice which always was there for me, guiding me, soothing me …

I need to stop mixing the memories and dreams. Yeah, no need to panic. You are safe from these dead rotting things. You always were. The dead does not have power over you. No memories, no dreams can  hurt you. I repeat again and again. Sometimes, I wonder if these words are even my own. But if they are not … what does it mean?

It means nothing harmful. Everyhing is going to be fine, I keep telling myself.

And I feel calmer again. I briefly remember how I almost tried to save that locket from being destroyed. I almost forgot about it, lost in the mix of nightmarish memories, and now I am not sure how I should feel about it…

Is it alright? Why shouldn't it be? You just wanted to protect. But anyways, it s over now. Another step to finish the task I was given. But why I hesitated? Was it because of that strange brief moment when something weird happend with these twisted wraiths? Now I can t even remember what was it… Why should it be so important? It was just a reflection made to break our morals … it almost did it …

I think that maybe, I should just throw the destroyed locket away. But for some reason I can't bring myself to do it. It's not even dangerous anymore. It's dead. No harm comes if I keep it… I feel the the slumber taking over me again and I know that when I wake up, all will be alright. It was always like that. As I am closing my eyes, I can hear my calming soothing inner voice whisperring the echoes of words I heard before and something deep inside my mind tells me that they were always meant for me and me only.

 

 

_I have seen your heart …_

_And it is mine ..._

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. The cup

So many new dreadful things happened since we left our hideout near that freezing lake. The new loss ... but also new gain. The beautiful golden cup, stolen from the heavily warded vault deep underground, guarded by the tormenting skin burning curses and the tormented deadly monstrous beast which we later released and used for our desperate escape. 

And now, it's going to be destroyed as well as the others were. And as the rest will be ... When my two friends told that they have plan how to do it, I insisted to go with them. They opposed. They exchanged glances, they were doing that several times every now and then since the locket incident. They behaved like that everytime they caught me staring at the cup. I couldn't help myself. There was just something that none of us could understand ... something hidden behind the veil of my long forgotten dreams. They probably saw a glimpse of something I can't remember .... yet.

They told me it will be better if they go and do it alone while I try to search another, hidden somewhere in this monumental and majestic castle. And maybe they are right. What if I would snapped, what if I would try to interupt and stop them I like almost did before with the locket? I wouldn't do that ... or would I? Why I would do something like that? Why should I even want to?

And then, something hidden in the deepest depths of my mind whispers to me with the cold alluring voice, telling me that maybe,  I already know the answer. I can still recall the strange feelings when wearing the locket back then when It still pulsed with power and twisted life like some darker, distant part of my own heart. I know that I should feel bad when the cold heavy metal was pressed so close to my skin. I should feel sick, off, wrong. The other two often complained about this ... That's why they could not wear it too long. That's why they had to switching while wearing it. I should feel the same way. But with me, it was somehow different. 

So right ... So precious ... So familiar ... So  ...  _mine._

It doesn't make any sense, or it should not. But deep deep inside,  I know it is truth. And shivers go down my spine and the drops of cold sweat on the back of my neck, much like the touch of equally cold fingers. How it can be mine when it is ... his? Yes,  it's his, it definitely is  ... I can recall the memory I witnessed so clearly. The thrilled older woman welcomming her deadly gorgeous visitor. Letting herself to be decieved. Letting herself to be manipulated  and persuaded . Showing him her two greatest treasures. No, they were not hers and they have never been,  I quickly correct myself. Not the locket, nor the cup. But ... it doesn't  matter now. The locket is gone already and the cup will be destroyed in any moment and nothing you will do or say or think can change it. You should not want it to be changed anyways. But don't worry. Everything will be alright. I keep whispering to myself. I feel dizzy and somehow lightheaded now and the world around me darkens  ...

 

_My first thought is that I am dreaming, but then I realize that I am remembering and reliving.  I am standing quietly in the middle of the too overstuffed room and watching that disgusting and annoying elder woman tossing and turning on the floor and she is chocking and coughing crimson blood as the deadly poison is slowly devouring her insides._

_It was so easy to gain her trust. Just s few little gestures and she was charmed so completly that she would be willing to spill out all her secrets or selling her own soul. It was just for the seek of my job for that greedy old man, hungry for her collection of powerfull rare artifacts. And I was always the best in ganing them, wasn't I? Yes, I was. But I am not here for my job now. I am here for my belongings ... and something more. She had something what is mine, the precious heirloom of my family. I am here to take it back._

_She had one another treasure of my home. I am here to take it too. Take it and honor it. My hand is playing with the beautiful golden cup. It's empty now, but soon it won't be anymore. I just have to wait. It could have been even quicker if I chose different substance but she was so annoying. And she dared to call my family treasure hers. So I am willing to wait a little more for another step to eternity ..._

 

As the cup is, this time almost painlessly, being filled with my soul and the familiar numbness spreads throuh my body, the scenery slowly fades, replaced by the present and the wonderfull magical castle, my home, again. I blink quickly and open my eyes. I had to just faint from the exhaustion. I don't know how much time has passed since me and my friends parted. The cup is probably already destroyed now. Slashed or stabbed and left bleeding to death. I am not sure if I want to cry and scream or celebrate. 

I can still recall the little fragments of that strange memory like dream, I can still hear the echoes of my thoughts. I know somehow that it was not the first dream or memory of this kind ... yet first and only one I can remember this clearly. My heart beats rapidly. My chest constricts like I was the one who now has that large pitch-black wound inside my soul. Why am I feeling this?

I am frightened of this empty void. I want it to be filled. And then I realize it's warm, soothing and right presence again. That familiar feeling. Like something so mine was returned to me again.

Like the locket before  ...

Like the cup now ...

But ... they were his  ... not mine  ...

Yes, they were, but don't worry, it's alright and just natural,  my inner voice tells me,  soothing my conflicting and mixing thoughts like so many many times before. But then, Why I am thinking about both of them as mine? Why my whole being just knows they are mine? Is it because he has always thought about me as his? Am I starting think the same way about him? Maybe you are. That happens sometimes, you know ... Maybe you just are more like him than you wanted to admit. That happens sometimes too ... I tell myself calmly, coldly , quietly. And I should be scared because of it. I should be frightened. Hell, I am! Except ... I am not  ...

 

 


	5. The diadem

Panting heavily, I keep running and running while the world around me burns. Many secrets are turned into the ash and dust. Many hidden treasures are perished, destroyed and devoured by vicious beastly children of the cursed fire. The flames infused with the dark power. The flames consumming absolutely everything. Everything except one.

The sparkling diadem feels cool and so soothing in my hands despite the scorching heat. My fingers are wrapped thightly around the precious jewell, clutching it towards my chest like it was a part of my own being. For a few brief moments, I even think it is ... Maybe it's because of what that lonely ghostly lady said back before, when I confronted her and made her to tell me her story which gave me the necessary clues I needed to find this heirloom which once belonged to her famous mother.

She said that I am so much like him ...

She said how much I resemble him ...

And it both scares me terribly and exites me greatly. I cannot explain these conflicting feelings enfulging my mind and soul. I know, I really know that I should feel only absolute disgust and utter horror at the very thought that there are any similarities between us ... as well as at the all things which happened here just a few moments ago.  So sick and twisted ... So ... delightful. I should shake and cry and scream and throw up. I surely would have before. 

But my soothing, guiding inner voice calmly whispers to me that it is alright to feel that pride and inner joy and deep-seated sense of rightness when recalling the haunting, dreamy words of the pale female ghost. After all, he did great things. Terrible, but great ...

So I keep telling myself that it was alright and just natural to feel that small, overhelming moment of sinful pleasure running through me when I hit that meddlesome blonde who irritated me by one of the most forbidden curses and this time really mean it. That it was perfectly fine and right and fitting to stun the stupid boy who set this room aflame and then just let him there to deal with his own twisted creation. 

It should not be like that. I should not feel like that. I should care. I really should. But I just can't bring myself too. Not now. What does it mean for me? What does it make me? Maybe I was staring into abyss too much and too long. And maybe,  the abyss finally stares back into me with the striking crimson eyes ...

But there is no time to thinking about this, not now, my inner voice tells me. This whole room will soon be turned into the dust and you with it if you don't get out of here. You have to find the way out! You have to survive! The small door are near. My way to escape from this raging inferno. I can hear some distant screams but I can't recognize them. The heat is almost unbearable. My whole body aching, my vision is blurry and my lungs burn. 

No! You cannot die here! Run! Just a little more! Almost out!

And then the voices are closer. Pairs of hands hold me, support me  ... I am coughing heavily and trying to catch my breath. Someone grabs my hand. The diadem is ripped out of my firm grasp and thrown away  ... I reach out for it ... It slips between my fingers ... and flying and flying  ... stright into the heart of the burning cursed fire!  I scream and everything turns black  ...

 

_Swiftly, gracefully, I am moving between the large, black trees. I should be close. She was describing this place in very detail. Was she still alive, I would not even have to invade her mind to know that she was telling me the truth. I probably would do so anyways, but as she is not the creature of flesh anymore, my pesruasive skills would have to be enough. And it was. So mesmerized the spirit was in my presence and companion. So eager to share the story of her greatest shame._

_I slightly smirk when I finally see something sparkling inside the one hollow tree. Soon, just a few seconds later, another ancient relic,  another valuable treasure and heirloom of the one of the Founders is in my possession. How fitting and delightful, that the diadem which promisses to grant it's it's wearer the wisdom beyond any other will house the part of me._

_The dark forest is completly abandoned so I have to travel a little longer to find the first suitable victim for the ritual. Maybe I should honor this great treasure by the more valuable life than this random wretched peasant who is currently whimpering and begging on the ground, not knowing yet, that these are the last moments of his pitiful life. But the life of the one who would be the great enough sacrifice is now unfortunately unreachable. But it does not matter much for now._

_Silence. It seems that the last traces of life finally left this unfortunately fortunate man. I don't waste any time and perform the second part of the dark ritual. It's much easier now then it was the years back before when I was just a student. Impossible  Unimaginable . That's what was said. But not for me._

_And as the invisible black, sticky void is pouring from me easily and tainting the brightly sparkling jewell, another triumphant delight spreads through my body and mind. The diary. The ring. The locket. The cup. And now, the diadem. It's almost done. Now there is only one to left. Should it be the sword? It would be greatly amusing to have all four relics in my collection, wouldn't it?_

_As I am watching the diadem closely and thinking about where I should hide it, a great idea comes into my. mind. I know about the perfect place . What a better hideout would be there then my first and only home, right under his nose? I always planned to return there one day  ..._

 

The perfect place  ... My home  ... Burned to dust  ...

The world is spinning around me as I come back to myself again and it takes some time to realize that I am no longer in that dark forest in the foreign country nor I am just giving a part of myself to the diadem and planning to hide it here  ...

The diadem! 

I blink furiously and try to sit up as I just now find out that I was half-lying, leaning on the wall of stone. Two blurry figures  ... my two best friends  ... why I feel this sour bitterness at the thought? ... are next to me instantly, murmuring something while exchanging glances, I can hear the question if I am alright ... asking what happened  ... Yeah  ... I am alright, or I should be ... I think ... I remember  ... the diadem  ... my hand holding it  ... keep it safe  ... My hand is so empty  ... they took it away from me  ... flying ... into the fire! 

The sudden wave of panic overhelms me, piercing through my body like endless icy needles and I try to run back towards the closed burning room. Their hands are holding me in thight iron grip  ... let me go! 

I am trying to shake them off of me. They are talking to me, their faces now so utterly scared. I don't care. The diadem is destroyed! They threw it into the fire! Adrenaline and overhelming searing rage flowing through my sore still recovering body. Giving me more strenth. Giving me more power. There is only power. I want to lash this power out on them! Hit them!  _Curse them!_

...............

When I am leaving the ruined corridor, my whole body is shaking. I don't look back. I cannot see again that mess I made. But they deserved it. I would almost smirk in delight if not for this icy cold feeling of panic and desperation because the precious treasure, the last anchor to this world, is gone ... diadem ... destroyed ... 

No ... it's not gone ... save  ... focus ... calm down ... it's safe ... safe with you  ... Yes  ... I can feel it  ... more whole ... but  ... still the last anchor  ... calm down  ... it's alright  ... there is still one  ... she is precious  ... you have to find her ... find her and protect her ...

Right, I have to calm down, I have to focus. There is still one. Time to find her. Time to move on and search. As I am walking away, leaving behind both the ruined corridor and the destroyed hidden room, I briefly remember that there were another three people inside and wonder mildly couriously if they made it out in time to escape the raging flames. Probably not. But, and now I am really able to admit it to myself, I don't really care. Maybe it would be even better that way. After all, the dead men tell no tales. 


	6. The serpent

Guided by my ever present inner voice and my instincts, I am moving swiftly and quietly through the raging battle. Jumping over the mangled corpses of the dead and avoiding the fierce rage and the magic of the living. They  all don't matter to me any more then the crumbling ground beneath my feet. I feel strange numbness and void in my chest. I have to focus. I have to focus on my goal. I have to find her. All others are gone  ... no ... safe with me  ... I keep correcting myself without even thinking about it. She is the only one left. They knew about her. About what she is. Well, they can't hurt her anymore. I made it  ... after they destroyed the diadem. I don't want to think about it now ... I don't want to look back  ... I can't...!

You don't have to. It's over. Yes, it's over.  You made it, I keep confirming and repeating my own words and thougts silently. But they could tell others while they were gone. They could tell someone and that means she is in danger. That's why I have to find her. So strange, wrong and unnatural, the thought that I would try to kill that precious pet, that I would ever wanted to do something like that ... But ... what I will do then?

Defend and protect, my whole being screams at me. If she is with him, she is safe. But if she is not, it's up to you to protect her. Because  ... because she is mine as well as she is his, the right words just come into my mind and I no longer doubting these instinctive thoughts of mine nor wondering about it's absurdity. Because it's not absurd at all, I just can't understand it completly for now. I wonder if I should look into his mind and let him know. My inner voice tells me that I should. Maybe he knows already. 

I am just about to stop and conect, when I feel the familiar presence near me. And my inner voice and instincts telling me that I don't have to search anymore because she was the one who found me instead. I am watching the massive poisonous serpent slithering towards me. She moves so swiftly and gracefully. Beautiful and deadly keeper of his ... our ... soul. She moves towards me and despite her almost killing me before so so long ago, I feel no fear nor any sense of danger for me from this precious snake. Because she is mine as well as she is his. Now I can feel it clearly.

And she probably too, because she stops in the mid of her motion, opens her jaws as if she wants to strike,  but then closes them. Flicking out her forked tongue and tasting the air ... then starts moving towards me, her slit-pupiled eyes on me and my inner voice tells me that she knows  ...

It happens in the split of second. The figure jumping between me and the large snake. The swift slash of the silvery sword. The sharp, overhelming pain spreading through my heart and soul and body when the equally sharp blade cuts mercilessly through the skin and flesh and muscles of the serpent's neck. And, split in two now, she is falling and falling and falling ... and not even the warmth of the familiar soothing presence returning and joining with me nor the presence of the cold inner voice of mine can calm down the chocking grief and burning rage running through me and devouring everything of me while I'm standing here frozen and silent, staring at the now unmoving serpentine body in the mix of shock and denial. 

No! Noonononono! It can't be! The precious pet  ... Holding our soul ... dead ... gone! 

The familiar figure rushing towards me. I finally raise my head and my eyes are on him. The boy who could be me. The boy who could easily switch places with me under the diferent circumstaces. The smile of relief and triumph spreading on his face as he sees me. The cursed damned sword adorned with rubies hold loosely in his hand. Her blood still visible on the blade.

I smile back at him before raising my own arm. This time, I am not averting my gaze when the dark curse slits his own throat the same way like the blade of the sword did with the serpent before and the crimson liquid flowing free. This time I am not shaking with fear and guilt and revulsion like I did back then when I saw the effects of this curse first time the last year. This time I am not walking away like I did in the ruined corridor not so far away. This time I stand and watching silently as he colapses, shaking, into the pool of his own blood, panting and chocking with it, his wide open eyes watching me with pain, horror and disbilief and the single question - why? And maybe I should be merciful and give him his answer and then just let him sleep forever in the haunting beautiful green. But he does not deserve my mercy. He took away what is mine and his and like the two of them them before, like the woman from our memories, he will pay for that.

Some very small, distant part of me screams almost silently and shakes at the sight of what I did but I calm it and sooth it and shut it forever like the inner voice of mine was doing for me so many times before. Tell myself that it's alright. Tell myself that he deserved punishment. Tell myself to give in. And I don't feel even slightly sick or guilty anymore when the intense sense of delight starts coiling inside my stomach at the sight in front of me. My face painted crimson. The taste of blood on my lips. Watching every twitch of agony. Savoring every single moment and engraving it deep inside of my memory to never forget. And when all the movement stops and the last breath leaves the lips, when noone is watching, I finally allow the hot tears of burning grief reach my eyes, dripping from my face as I colapse between dust and crimson, craddling the cold, unmoving head of the precious snake towards my now trembling chest. And now I feel so utterly weak and vulnerable like I was only a wraith without any body or as that small and sickly form of life back in times she found me. 

Memory after memory flowing through my mind.

_She should be the last one. I never before thought about using the living being as the vessel for my soul. Living things are fraigle. Living beings are vulnerable. Living beings can turn on you and betray you._

_But she would never turn on me ..._

_She would never betray me ..._

_She would not be able to ..._

I don't know how long I am lying here between the blood and ruins, drowning in the foreign and familiar memories after the finall  battle ended and my tears dried forever. Only the familiar, cold, alluring voice wakes me up from my letargy. Only now it's not just inside my mind. Now it's echoing through the whole castle. Telling that the battle is over. Telling survivors to surrender. Slowly, silently, I get up back on my feet and spare one last moment to this devastated place. Time to go home  ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, Nagini is my favourite character T_T


	7. The Dark Lord

What an unexpected twist of fate for all, I think with the small secret smirk as I am walking barefoot through ruins and debris and sometimes blood or other signs of fierce battle which took place here not so long ago. Walking towards him, walking to face him like I was always meant to, but not the way they would ever expected of me. Many memories flowing through me freely and I can finally remember it all, even those hidden behind the black foggy veil of my secret dreams and nightmares. So scared and shaken I would be of them back before. All this time, always, my every step lead me closer and closer to him the way that nobody could understand, not even myself. And long before I can see him with my eyes , my mind, our mind,  opens and reaches out and connects with it's other half, letting him know.

During my hopeless and foolish path to destroy you, you died six times. And when the vessels holding these parts of you met their downfall, I was watching one by one their birth in death and murder. I was watching with your eyes, I saw everything you saw, I felt everything you felt and thought the very same things you did. And with every one of your death, you were unknowingly brought back from the abyss by me, piece after piece, kept in this word, safe with me forever. 

I can no longer tell which memories are mine or which are yours, they are all ours, all present in my mind, mixed and entwined so closely and intimately that noone can ever tear them apart and I already accepted all of them. Sometimes, it's like I lived two paralel lives at the same time. Sometimes two memories are blending into one and when I see the mind picture of the silent sobbing child enveloped by the green light and gazing stright into my eyes, the small, whimpering body is both mine and not mine. Foreign and familiar. So many memories are mixed together. 

As I continue walking, I can see a lot of people there, injured and devastated. The eyes of them all are on me as I emerge through what remains of the massive gate. Your six deaths are on me and around me. The broken vessels of our precious treasures. 

The destroyed diary under my arm as I am clutching it towards my chest. My arm covers the large gapping hole in it's perfect surface in atempt to hide my sin of it's killing. 

The cracked ring, cold and so perfectly fitting on my finger. The black stone is gone. I know now why, what it was and even where it ended. It was supposed to get to me but I just did not claim it . I don't need to call for the dead. You despise death after all . 

The broken locket still somehow heavy around my neck. Nobody knew I kept it after the events of that freezing night in the forest , hidden deep under my clothes and so close to my heart. Now, I am wearing it openly and freely. 

The deformed cup in my other hand. Stabbed to death by the same way like the diary was, but in this time, by someone else's hand. If I was there back then, things would probably ended diferently. 

The black, burned remains of the diadem sitting on my head. It's a miracle that it was not completly melted away by the all consumming cursed fire. I found it in the ruins of our secret room after the damned flames were gone. 

The cold, limp body of the serpent coiled around my waist, with it's head resting motionlessly and heavily on my shoulder, being put back together and kept together and clutching to me by the sheer force of my power and magic. I avenged and punished her death by rage and blood and death, I mourned her loss by tears and grief and apathy, and now I am bringing her home. 

The pulsing mark on my forehead. The one which was never supposed to exist. The one wich bonded us and connected us together on the very start. Not you nor me you knew about it before. Maybe it was the reason of it all...

I am walking closer to the crowds of damaged people, feeling their eyes on me, but my own eyes never reach them, too focused on the tall, pale, familiar form of you.They all are watching me with expectation. So they still think I am here to fight?  Or are they expect me to give up and die now? How amusing to let them wait in the dark much like I was once. But right now, I am running out of time. I have things to say, an offer to make and then, the ritual to perform. It's time to let them all know my decision  ...

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't know what was more shocking for them, if it was my announcement of surrender, the fact that I was kept alive and not put into the searing pain, or maybe that hissed words exchanged between me and you in the ancient language only we can understand. But I can't think about it much now while I am kneeling in the secret chamber underground again and my trembling lips are chanting the ancient, forbidden words. My whole body drowning in the agonizing pain while my mind and heart drowns in the crimson of your eyes. It's not any easier then it was back then in the memory of ours, but as well as you before, I have to endure it too now. 

I was never supposed to live long, did you know that? I was supposed to walk stright towards my death. I was supposed to sacrifice myself. Well, that's not going to happen. I briefly think that maybe I shouldn't discard that stone so recklessly, because it would be deeply amusing to bring them back and, like you did with your father, let them witness what happened with the supposed sacrifice and let them know that it was me who offered and  suggested this first ... But I knew that you would agree. After all, we both want to live forever and what safer place is there for the part of me then with you?

My other thoughts are interupted as the pain intensifies and I start choking with the wet and sticky feeling, continuing chanting as you come closer, still watching me intently, reaching out for me ... The feeling of wetness pouring from my eyes, but there are no tears because all of them dried forever.

And as my vision turns black and blurry with only the crimson as my anchor, I smile weakly at the feeling of triumph spreading through my exhausted being. It's done. Now our forever can begin. Now neighter of us can die while the other one survives. The endless circle.  

 

_Our final step to eternity  ..._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the final chapter. I hope that you liked this story and that it was not too weird:D
> 
> The scene of Harry with all broken horcruxes was kind of inspired by one of my fanarts (but there they are of course not broken:D)


End file.
